This is the fifteenth part in a series, so if you have not already done so, you might want to read Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII, Part XIII, and Part XIV before continuing.
Jessica held me while I cried, made tea with honey for me when I stopped for air, then held the mug for me while I cried some more.
If I hadn’t been so absorbed in all the feelings I was feeling over the two assholes I couldn’t even bring myself to name anymore, I would have felt bad for continuing to inflict myself on my very generous neighbor, and I would have been embarrassed by the absolute mess I was becoming all over her living room.
As it was, I barely had room for all the pain and anger swirling through me like a tornado. I had thought Randy had just dumped me so he could start dating Nikki, but if they were already pregnant, then this had been going on for a while. He had been cheating on me!
The realization of the extent to how he had betrayed me was like dumping a gallon of gasoline over the flame of my anger. It burned everywhere.
Then I remembered that my best friend had been sleeping with my boyfriend while claiming to be my best friend, and that would add another gallon of gasoline to the flame of my anger.
Once the anger had burned out, I would be left with just the pain of being rejected by the two people I loved – had loved – most in the world, and the sobbing would start anew. Where would I go now when I needed someone? Poor Jessica couldn’t be expected to be everything for me.
I kept trying to get myself under control, but every time I did, I would think of something Nikki had said about how lucky I was to have someone like Randy in my life. And the whole time she had been sleeping with him behind my back! The ungrateful motherf***ing traitorous b***h w***e!!!
Then the sobbing would start up again, and round, and round I went.
Jessica was amazing. I do not deserve a friend like her. I vowed then and there to devote the rest of my life to trying to pay her back for this, but since I couldn’t catch my breath between sobs long enough to say anything other than, “I’m sorry,” I never got the chance to utter the vow out loud. But I made it, nonetheless.
Finally, Jessica put down her mug with the tea in it and wrapped her arms around me and breathed like she had that time she pulled me out of traffic. I followed her lead and started breathing with her. It did the trick, but even after I had managed to calm down, I clung to her. She kept trying to pull out of the hug, but I kept pulling her back. Eventually, she started laughing, then I started laughing, and I was finally able to let her go.
To be continued…