This is the thirteenth part in a series, so if you have not already done so, you might want to read Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, and Part XII before continuing.
“Boy, have I got news for you,” I said by way of greeting when my therapist’s face appeared on the screen for our virtual session.
“What’s going on?” they asked.
I paused, mouth open, as I tried to figure out where I wanted to begin.
“I don’t even know where to begin,” I said.
“Well, last time we spoke,” they said, flipping through their notebook, “You had a lot of feelings around Ana starting her new position as co-anchor.”
“Oh, that’s right!” I had completely forgotten. “Yeah, that went really well.”
So, I dove in and told them all about Ana’s first day at the anchor desk, glad to start off this session with something positive.
“That’s really good to hear,” they said, as I finished talking about how Ana and I went day drinking to celebrate. “I’m so glad things are going well for you.”
I was so surprised to hear that, I snorted. The sound took us both by surprise, and then made me laugh, and then the embarrassed laughter turned into hysterical laughter.
“I’m sorry,” I said, when I managed to recover my breath. “It’s just that that’s the only thing that’s going well in my life right now.”
Then I proceeded to tell them all about Randy, complete with my game of chicken with a car, Jessica rescuing me, and the minor fire hazard I created by dumping all of Randy’s junk into our front hall.
When I was done, I told them about Jessica recommending I get on an antidepressant, and my therapist started nodding in agreement before I even had a chance to finish that sentence.
“Yes, I think that’s a very good idea,” they said
“OK, well, I’m meeting with my GP next month to get a prescription. Why does it take a month to get to see anyone these days?”
“I wish I could tell you, but I’m afraid the answer is complicated.”
“But you could sum it up by saying, ‘our healthcare system is broken’.”
“Yep.”
“Great. So, I just have to, what? Try my best not to die for the next month until I can see someone who can get me a prescription for something that will make my brain stop trying to kill me?”
“Have I told you about the five senses exercise?”
I shook my head.
“Basically, you zero in on each of your senses, one at a time. It’s a great way to get out of your head and back into your body, which helps you focus on the present. It goes like this.”
They proceeded to walk me through it, and as we did it together, I really did feel all my anger and grief fall away.
When we were finished, I let out a long exhale and said, “That was amazing.”
They smiled and said, “I know right? I’ll send you a worksheet so you can use it as a reference any time you need to. In the meantime, do you want to schedule extra sessions while we work through this?”
“Oh, absolutely,” I said as I pumped my chin up and down to communicate my earnest agreement. “I’m going to need at least two meetings a week for the foreseeable future.”
To be continued…