Young Dana: Part I

“I probably can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Where am I going to find the time?”

“See, that’s a better question.”

“What?”

“Instead of just dismissing an idea outright, why not ask how you could make it work? But really ask. Not a rhetorical question.”

Dana looked at her best friend like she had suggested Dana should quit her job and backpack around the world.

“I’m sorry,” Jenae said in that tone that conveyed she was not really sorry. “I just get really tired of your negativity sometimes.”

Dana was brought up short by that as she started replaying past conversations with Jenae in her head. “I’m not negative. Am I?”

“You kind of are,” which is Best Friend for You definitely are, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings.

Dana considered this. She had always thought of her mom as the negative one, but she, Dana, was the cool one. The make-it-happen one … wasn’t she?

“Oh, shit,” Dana said as her mind reeled with all the times Jenae had suggested something and Dana had said she couldn’t because of some reason or other. When they were all listed together, they sounded so flimsy.

“It’s OK,” Jenae said, reaching across the table to cover her best friend’s hand with her own.

“No, it’s not,” Dana said, pulling away.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Well, maybe I should be upset. I don’t want to be this person. I don’t want to live like this.”

“OK, maybe it’s time for another round of mimosas?”

Dana laughed. “I didn’t mean in the suicidal sense. I just mean that I remember hearing my mom immediately dismiss ideas and thinking I would never be like that. How did this happen?”

“Honey, we all turn into our mothers eventually.”

“But we don’t have to. We say that like it’s inevitable, but it’s not.”

“OK, yeah, I’m definitely ordering another round of mimosas for this conversation.”

Dana did calm down with a little more sugar and alcohol in her system, but she didn’t forget what her friend had said. The more she tried to pinpoint the moment when she had become Ms. Negativity, the more she was reminded of her confident childhood self. She remembered thinking she could do absolutely anything she wanted, and even when her parents told her it wasn’t feasible, she dismissed their concerns as easily as she brushed crumbs of bread off a plate after having eaten a sandwich. What had happened to that little girl?

To be continued…