Photo credit: ARTS_fox1fire via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND
This is the twentieth part in a series, so if you have not already done so, you might want to read Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII, Part XIII, Part XIV, Part XV, Part XVI, Part XVII, Part XVIII, and Part XIX before continuing.
When Eliza had a chance to check her phone, she saw a text from Angela that said, “HELP!!!!!”
Eliza dialed her friend’s number right away.
“I am so unbelievably screwed,” Angela said by way of greeting.
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am. You don’t even know what’s going on.”
“Not yet, but my job as your best friend is to assure you that everything will be OK. Regardless of the truth.”
“Thanks.” Angela’s tone was flat and conveyed none of the gratitude that word normally implied.
“You’re welcome,” Eliza said, deliberately ignoring her friend’s sarcasm. “Now what’s wrong?”
“My parents are coming to New York.”
“That’s great!”
“Nope.”
“It’ll be fine. You can take them to see some of the sights and then they’ll leave and I’ll be here to assure you all your mom’s criticism was dead wrong.”
“We’re way beyond that now. They want to meet Pete.”
“That’s even better. They’re actually taking an interest in your love life for the first time in I don’t know how long.”
“Not since Brian Schwarz. And that was only because his family was loaded.”
“That’s OK. Pete makes good money, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah, but he’s not like a millionaire or anything. And as soon as my parents realize that, they won’t approve of him anymore. They will probably literally walk out the door the second they realize he’s not as wealthy as they think he is and then I’ll never live down the shame.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Pete loves you for you, no matter how crazy your family is. Besides, what gave them the idea he’s rich?”
“They assume everyone who works in TV is stinking rich. Especially men.”
“In their defense, men do tend to make more.”
“Yeah, but cameramen still don’t make more than news anchors. I don’t know if they’ll be more disappointed in him or me when they realize I’m the breadwinner in this couple.”
“Does Pete know what they’re like?”
“No. I’ve been too scared to tell him.”
“Then my official best friend advice is this: first, tell Pete before he meets them. It’ll be better to give him a heads up than to let him get blindsided by your mom’s gold-digging tendencies. Second: breathe. I know they suck sometimes, but they’re still the only parents you’ve got, and whether you admit it or not, you do love them. Just remember that, and in a few days it’ll all be over.”
Eliza could hear Angela taking a deep breath on the other side of the line. “You’re right. If I tell Pete beforehand, we can form a united front against the hostile invasion known as dinner with my parents.”
“Not quite what I had in mind, but close enough. You’ll be fine. You survived eighteen years in the same house with them. You can handle one more weekend.”
“You’re right. I’m a grown woman. And it’s my own apartment. I can always kick them out if I want.”
Eliza cringed. “Again, not quite what I had in mind, but, yes, they’ll be on your territory. You’ll have all the advantages.”
“Maybe I should get a gun.”
“OK, this is the part where I talk you down from the crazy ledge. Do not – I repeat – DO NOT buy a gun, Angela.”
“You’re right. It wouldn’t take the cops any time at all to find out I had both opportunity and all the motive in the world.”
“That’s right. Jail is bad. And then your career would be over. Just talk to Pete beforehand. Remember to breathe deeply and it’ll be over before you know it. No guns. No poison. Just good old fashioned talking to your family until they give up and leave.”
Angela took another audible deep breath. “OK. Thanks, Eliza. I needed that.”
“Any time.”
“But, just to be clear, you would help me hide a body if I needed you to, right?”
“I’m hanging up now.”
To be continued…
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