Be sexy
Guys don’t want a girl who’s not sexy
And your whole goal in life is to make men want you
So be sexy
But not too sexy
If you’re too sexy
Women will think you’re a slut
And men might rape you
Which will reaffirm the women’s assumption that you’re a slut
Be friendly
Smile at everyone
No one likes a girl who frowns
So be friendly
But not too friendly
If you’re too friendly
You’ll lead them on
And no one likes a tease
Grow you hair long
Ignore it when it gets in your way
When you can’t see around your own curls
Wear high heels
Learn to walk in them
Ignore your aching feet
Beauty hurts
Wear makeup
You’ll need it to look your best
Highlight your best attributes
Hide your worst
Don’t pay attention to the labels
Full of toxic chemicals
As you rub them onto your largest organ
While you’re at it shave your legs
And your armpits
Don’t get upset when they make fun of you
For taking “too long” in the bathroom
A girl who snaps is not attractive
Always be looking for a man
Preferably a man who’s good with kids
Then you can slowly convince him to have children with you
What do you mean you don’t want to have children?
What’s wrong with you?