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“I still can’t believe we’re going to Alicia’s funeral,” Marcia said as her husband, Jeb, parked the car.
“I know. She was younger than we are.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to say to her parents.”
“Do you even know what they look like?”
“No, but they can’t be too hard to spot, can they? Won’t they be the ones up front accepting all the condolences.”
“Probably. Yeah, is it bad that I’m actually glad we never met them before this?”
Marcia shot him a warning look as they got out of the car.
“Bad person,” he said. “Got it.”
“No, actually I feel the same way.”
Jeb giggled, then remembered they were headed towards a funeral home and suppressed it.
“Are we both bad people?”
“No,” Jeb said quickly. “No, we were just always busy with other plans when she invited us to hang out with them.”
Marcia couldn’t argue, but the furrows in her brow remained as they approached the funeral home.
As they drew closer, they saw that the entrance to the funeral home was blocked by a velvet rope. A large man in a suit stood next to the door, holding a clipboard. He didn’t even look up as they approached. “Name?”
Jeb and Marcia were so startled it took them a moment to respond. When Jeb finally gave them man their names, he scanned the paper on his clipboard and said, “No can do.”
Jeb said, “What?”
“There must be some mistake,” said Marcia. “Is this the funeral for Alicia Vanderlak?”
“No confusion,” said the large man. “The funeral is inside and you’re not on the list.”
Jeb and Marcia exchanged baffled glances as their friend Tony walked up. “Hey guys,” he said. “Can you believe we’re here?”
“I can’t believe they won’t let us in,” said Marcia.
“What?”
“Apparently there’s a list to get into the funeral and we’re not on it,” said Jeb.
“What? That’s crazy.”
Marcia just sputtered and gestured helplessly at the man with the clipboard.
“Name?”
Tony gave him his name, then got the same response as Jeb and Marcia.
“This is insane,” said Tony. “Are there really so many people coming that you can’t let in anyone who isn’t on that list?”
“It’s not about the number. It’s about what Alicia wanted.”
Marcia said, “And she didn’t want us at her funeral?”
“Apparently not.”
“Unbelievable.”
“I didn’t make the list. I’m just abiding by it.”
Jeb said, “Who makes a list of people who are approved to attend their funeral?”
“Alicia, I guess.”
“Hey, guys,” said their friend Lynda. “I didn’t think I’d see you here today.”
“Well, apparently you can’t because there’s a list and we’re not on it,” said Tony.
“What?”
Jeb gestured to the man with the clipboard. “See for yourself.”
Lynda walked up to him, gave him her name, and walked through the door.
The trio erupted in protest.
“What?”
“You’re kidding me!”
“Hey, we’re with her, man!”
“You’re not on the list,” the man said calmly.
“Lynda, tell him we’re with you,” said Marcia.
“Sorry, guys, but I didn’t even think you’d come today. Honestly, I think you have some nerve after the way you ghosted on her.”
“Ghosted?”
“We were busy!”
Lynda shrugged her shoulders and disappeared inside.
The three of them gaped at the door before Tony said, “All right. I know how to handle this.” He swaggered up to the man with the clipboard. “Hey, homie, listen. We just came to pay our last respects to our friend. Maybe if you let us do that we can make it worth your while.” He held up two fingers with a folded twenty-dollar-bill suspended between them.
The man looked at the bill, looked at Tony, and said, “You’re not on the list.”
“Seriously, man? Come on, what’s it gonna take?”
“It’s gonna take you being on the list. And since the person who made the list won’t be making any more, I guess you’re SOL.”
Tony huffed a breath. “Whatever, man, I don’t need this,” he said as he turned on his heel and stomped away.
Jeb and Marcia were still staring wide eyed and open mouthed as they followed suit.
“What a bitch,” Marcia muttered.
The end.
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