This is the fourth part in a series, so if you have not already done so, you might want to read Part I, Part II, and Part III before continuing.
TW: depression, suicidal thoughts
“Ashley, what’s wrong?”
I couldn’t answer.
I collapsed into a heap on the sidewalk and sobbed and sobbed.
The Good Samaritan knelt on the sidewalk with me and held me close. She stroked my hair and told me to breathe. I gulped in air, but that only seemed to make everything worse.
Then she demonstrated for me by breathing in slowly, holding it for a few seconds, breathing out slowly, holding it for a few seconds, then repeating the process. She held me against her chest so I could feel her breathing, and without realizing I was doing it, I started to breathe in tandem with her.
I felt better instantly. Once I was able to catch my breath, the sobs diminished until I was able to pull away, wipe my face, and look at my savior.
It was my neighbor. I had lost my mind so completely I hadn’t even recognized her voice.
“Jessica, I’m so sorry.”
“For what?”
“For making a fool of myself.”
“You didn’t make a fool of yourself.”
I gave her a look that let her know we both knew that was a lie.
“OK, you may have slightly made a fool of yourself, but what the hell happened to make you do something like that?”
I told her about Randy and Nikki. She found it as hard to believe as I did.
“I still don’t understand why you would waltz into traffic like that. Now if you had pushed Randy and/or Nikki in front of a moving car, that I would have understood.”
I barked out a laugh. It was a wet laugh, having to make its way through all the mucus crying tends to produce, but it felt good to laugh. I hadn’t realized until that moment that I had thought I would never laugh again. No wonder I wanted so badly to end it all.
Jessica smiled to see me laugh, offered to bring me back to her apartment, and I couldn’t say no.
To be continued…