As Charlie sat, waiting for the service to start, a memory came to her. It was from years ago, before Lindsey had ever met Dan. Charlie was going out with Isaac. Charlie remembered saying goodbye to Isaac and turning around to see Lindsey moping. Lindsey hated public displays of affection from couples, but Charlie felt weird not kissing Isaac goodbye. It wasn’t like they made out or anything. Just a quick kiss and a hug and before he left. Charlie felt guilty and then she felt resentful. Why should Lindsey make her feel guilty just for saying goodbye to her boyfriend?
Charlie suppressed the resentment and changed the subject. “Come on,” she said, grabbing Lindsey by the arm and twirling her to face the other direction. “Let’s go find you a man.”
Lindsey rolled her eyes. “You say that like we’re going shopping for a sweater. Like I’m going to find the love of my life hanging on a coatrack somewhere.”
“I never said that. Although the analogy is not entirely inappropriate. In order to find a good sweater, you have to try a few on until you find the one that fits.”
“The analogy is not even remotely appropriate. A sweater doesn’t have to give consent for you to try it on.”
Charlie wrinkled her face. “Consent? What are you talking about? I feel like you just took this conversation to a whole other place without telling me.”
Lindsey giggled. “Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m just talking about dating. When you talk about trying on sweaters you mean dating, right? Well a guy has to want to go out with you, too. That little detail makes it much more difficult than sweater shopping.”
“There are plenty of guys that want to go out with you. You just have to give them a chance.”
“No, there aren’t any guys that want to go out with me. There are dweebs and metrosexuals that want to go out with me.”
“And what’s wrong with them?”
“They’re just not what I’m looking for.”
“You’re not even giving them a chance. How do you know they wouldn’t make you happy?”
“I just know.”
Charlie gave her friend a sideways skeptical look, but Lindsey wasn’t paying attention. “I thought you said you didn’t believe in love at first sight.” Charlie’s tone was teasing and Lindsey rose to the bait.
“I don’t.”
Charlie looked away as she said, “You say that, but it sounds like that’s what you’re looking for. Like you’ll just know immediately whether or not you want to go out with a guy.”
“No. None of the guys that ever wanted to go out with me ever asked me out right away. We were always friends first. That was plenty of time for them to get interested in me and plenty of time for me to know I wasn’t interested in them. Not in that way.”
“What do you think a boyfriend is? You know, ‘friend’ is part of that word, right? In some ways Isaac is my best friend.”
“I thought I was your best friend.”
“I said in some ways. The point is we can just hang out and be ourselves with each other. It’s just like hanging out with you.”
Lindsey wrinkled her nose. “I hope not!”
Charlie laughed. “OK, so the making out part is not like hanging out with you. And I don’t tell him everything I tell you, but I tell him just about everything else. And he tells me just about everything, so in that sense it’s just like having a really good friend.”
“That you make out with.”
Charlie blushed. “Yes. That I make out with.”
“That’s the part I get stuck on. I love hanging out with all our guy friends. Even Isaac. But I’m not physically attracted to any of them. The guys I am attracted to aren’t attracted to me. They only want to go out with cheerleaders with short skirts and blonde ponytails.”
“I refuse to believe that. There has to be a guy out there that wants a wonderful, caring, strong woman like you.”
“Well, when you find him, let me know. After making sure he’s not a doormat.”
Charlie had laughed at that. Now the memory made her want to cry as the pastor approached the podium and they all stood.
To be continued …